• Kristyn Culliver


Updated: Aug 7, 2020

Let’s cut to the chase, times are a changing

I have seen one too many times this week mothers judging other mothers for their choices as we navigate our way through this pandemic and how we now need to live our lives.

Mums are being publicly abused by other Mums for going for a walk together (in twos, for the purpose of exercise, within the rules).

Another mum asked in a Facebook group if anyone knew of a hairdresser still open that they would recommend so she could get a haircut. Instead of getting a recommendation, she was vilified and told to stay home.

There are many more, sadly too many to articulate in this post.

It’s time we all took a step back and a deep breath.

Yes we want to abide by the rules and yes we want to flatten the curve.

But let’s not turn in to judgemental, obnoxious, self righteous individuals in the process.

The last thing that other mothers need right now is judgement.

If we don’t start to unite as a group of women who are going through exactly the same struggles and pressures, I don’t know when we ever will…

There are a lot of grey areas in these isolation rules. Human interpret things differently, have different values and different personalities, therefore different needs and reaction and coping abilities that vary. What is easy for one Mum to stay at home with her children, is an absolute nightmare for another mother. These all contribute to the way they behave and the actions they take during this period.

Taking away a humans civil rights, even when it is for their “own good”, is triggering to say the least for some Mum’s. Some Mums that were already dealing with undue. stress, anxiety or even depression.

You can sit there and be a hero, judging other mothers and their decisions based on the little knowledge you have of their lives and their circumstances whilst patting yourself on the back about how many days you have been in lock down for…

Or you can choose love and compassion for mothers who are struggling in an unprecedented time of uncertainty and allow them to make the decisions they need to (within the rules).

You are allowed to self isolate as much as you want, but you are not allowed to abuse another mother who chooses to take a walk with her friend (because she is allowed to and because her mental health needs it. Yours may not, but hers does).

I get it. You’re afraid. You feel out of control so you decide to try to control what others are doing. Maybe you are even a bit envious of the Mum that is getting a haircut…

The reality is we all need to get through this and we have no idea how long ‘this’ is going to be around for. We don’t know how long it will be until life is “back to normal”

So are we going to continue to allow our feeds and our mothers groups be bombarded with hate and judgement?

Or are we going to choose to be a support system for Mums in our communities?

We don’t know what another mum is dealing with. We don’t know her situation. We don’t know how our words will affect her. We don’t know what could push her over the edge.

Even the government has expressed their concern for the mental health of individuals in this time. It’s real.

So don’t add to the pain with your judgement.

If we all just focussed on complying with the rules to the best of our abilities, nurturing our immediate family and checking in with our external friends and family virtually, it would make the world a better place right now. Focus on having your own affairs in order.

Don’t sit at the window and check that your neighbours are complying by the rules (yes I have seen multiple posts asking for advice on whether their neighbours are complying with the rules and whether they believe they should call the police for reasons such as families playing a game of basketball in their driveway and neighbours playing music in their yard which may mean they are having a party….)

Please stop. Please for a moment just think about how you are affecting others. This is a balancing act of not just our physical health, but our mental health also. This is being forgotten.

If we just lead with a little love and respect, coming from a place of help and assistance, making kind suggestions where necessary, offering help where we can and accepting that everyone is dealing with this in their own way, it would be a little easier during this heavy time, wouldn’t it?

Hot tip - if you want someone to reassess their actions, abuse is not effective. Show some respect.

We’re all in this together. As Mums we need to have each others backs, more than ever before…

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