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  • Kristyn Culliver

WHAT MEN DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT THEM...

Updated: Aug 7, 2020


Today I feel defeated


Some dude wrote a horrible review on the podcast I co-host.


His name was Tim.

Now for all intents and purposes we know Tim is an arsehole, that goes without saying.


Tim probably likes to sit behind his keyboard and troll people all day. Tim probably doesn’t achieve a lot more than this in his life.


So when Tim calls our podcast “a load of rubbish” and his review reads “do these women have anything else to do?” With his measly one star which he kindly took the time to leave, in turn lowering our rating.


I wanted to sucker punch Tim in the mouth (and something tells me I wouldn’t have felt guilty about it…)


Of course, Tim is a douche bag and I should be totally unaffected by Tim.


Normally, I am unaffected by the “Tim’s” of this world.


But today Tim made me cry.


Because Tim doesn’t understand all the work myself and my co host Claire have put in to this podcast. He doesn’t understand it’s an epic struggle to record a podcast when you have kids.


Tim doesn’t get that our purpose is to provide education, information, empowerment and just general comic relief and entertainment (sure the last part may be a matter of opinion) to women who need it out of the goodness of our own hearts with no form of payment, sponsorship or return attached.


Tim hasn’t heard the many, many conversations Claire and I have had about how we can help women right now, because we can’t stop thinking about how hard it must be for our clients, pregnant women, in this climate.


Tim is also completely ignorant to the fact that his review that probably took him a total of 15 seconds and he has probably completely forgotten about could reduce a Mum to tears in the her kids playroom. He doesn’t understand that his review was the straw that broke the camels back for me today. He doesn’t know that it was my 7yo that found me on the floor of the play room and consoled me cause she hates seeing her Mum cry…


Tim also doesn’t get that this is not the only thing we do each week.


We have three kids between us (two of them under 2)

We each run our own businesses

We also run mothers groups for pregnant women who need extra support right now

We are currently working on a new project to further support pregnant women and new mothers

We run two online communities and 7 social media accounts between us

We both have husbands that work long hours

We homeschool because #isolation

We cook, clean, wash and keep a house

We keep our family mentally and emotionally well

We are continually looking for ways to improve the quality of life for our families

We get up early to get things done and work late in to the night to meet deadlines because we care for our kids during the day

We then have to find time to make sure we feed ourselves, hydrate ourselves, exercise and remain mentally and emotionally fit and strong (for the sake of our families)

We are in isolation and NEVER get alone time

Neither of us have family support close by (even if we weren’t in isolation)


What Tim doesn’t know is that getting a podcast up and running is probably one of our biggest achievements since we have become mothers.

We are SO PROUD of what we have achieved.

(also, I would love to see Tim’s awesome podcast….?)


So when I saw this review, it had me done. My heart sank and my head dropped. I walked away from my daughter as she was getting on with her school work, in to the play room, sat on my knees, put my hands over my eyes and silently sobbed.


I ugly cried for about 5 mins, a wet, snotty mess.


I cried because I wanted to sucker punch Tim and I couldn’t

I cried because Apple podcasts don’t give you a right of reply

I cried because it lowered our rating

I cried because I want to be able to do it all and I can’t

I cried because in that moment I couldn’t see the point and I wanted to give up

I cried because it never feels like I do enough

I cried because my husband has solid time to invest every day in his career, to kick goals and be seen, to get snap and claps for his achievements and I struggle to get 2 hours a day to invest in my business and I am seen by most people in my life as merely a “stay at home mum” when I (and so many other mums) am so much more (do not confuse this with me being ungrateful for my husbands efforts)

I cried because at 9pm I want to go to sleep, but this is often when my working day begins

I cried because I achieve things and no one sees them, but if I wasn’t a “good mum” people would see that straight away and would share their opinion on it too

I cried for the women who have it harder than me right now in this climate

I cried because there will always be "Tim’s" around, and I can’t change that even though it’s so unfair

I cried because life right now is HARD


Most of the time mothers are ok. We are resilient. We are thick skinned. We are smarter than the average “Tim” and we know his review means jack sh*t…


But today I wasn’t.


And that’s ok.


If you are feeling defeated right now, I see you and I get it.


If you have worked hard to achieve something only to have it shat upon by someone else, I hear you. It's not ok.


Today I will let myself feel defeated. I will cry. I will be angry. I will eat cake and lay on the couch.


So tomorrow I can get on to Apple Podcasts and leave a 5 star review for all the podcasts I have listened to and not reviewed, because I understand how much it means to them.


Tomorrow I will pick myself up (like all mothers do) and get on with being awesome.


Edit - It has been brought to my attention that sucker punching Tim or inciting violence is not a great way to solve a problem. I agree. I practise humility wherever I can because I often ask my readers to do the same. I am not perfect. Would I actually have hit Tim if he was in front of me? No. I doubt it, because my words are usually more scathing that my actions. I am not a violent person, but the above did not reflect this. I was writing form a place of high emotion. I know this was wrong. I recognise that words hurt and also have an impact, just as his hurt me that day. Lesson learned and I sincerely apologise if my words affected anyone adversely....

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