WHEM SELF SACRIFICE BECOMES DETRIMENTAL....
Updated: Aug 7, 2020
When I became a mother for the first time in 2013 my confidence hit an all time low.
I had always struggled with low confidence, self belief and self worth, but it seemed that the responsibility of a new tiny human completely broke me
In fact the anxiety around being a mum started before she was even conceived
I never truly believed in my abilities
And I always wondered how I would be a great mum and still be happy in myself.
How was I going to make money and still be a good mum?
How was I going to have fun and still be a good mum?
How was I going to take care of myself fully and still be a good mum?
How was I going to have a job I loved and still be a good mum?
Was I even allowed to entertain any of the above?
I had come to the point where I had convinced myself my life was going to be one of continual compromise
That I would never really have what I wanted or desired for a very long time.
And I accepted it, because I believed that what’s mum’s “had to do”
It was all for the sake of my kids
I mean it really was the only way they were going to be decent humans in society, wasn’t it?
It had to come at the cost of my happiness.
I may have accepted it, but it became very apparent very quickly that it was something I couldn’t sustain.
A very wise woman said to me one day “Kristyn, once you become a mum, don’t start doing anything that you are not willing to carry through. It only creates resentment and you will be the one that suffers…”
A truer statement could not have been spoken
I believe that this woman was speaking about the practical things of parenting, but it really has deeper meaning.
I realised that sacrificing my happiness, my purpose, my fun and fulfilment in life was not something I was willing to do.
But the guilt was STRONG
It took me half a day of crying uncontrollably, at the time not understanding why, as my husband looked on in distress to realise something had to change.
It took me days to process but I finally realised….
I was done with feeling incapable and small
I was tired of not having a purpose greater than the 4 walls of our house
And I was sick of taking it out on my family
Because I wasn’t just failing myself
I was failing my family in the process
I realised that day that I had spent my whole life worrying about others needs and never prioritising my own
And they finally became my undoing.
So you know what I did next?
I invested $10k in my personal development
I completely overhauled my life
I started living and believing what was true for me
And do you know what happened next?
I became a better mother
I became a better wife
I became a better daughter
I became a better Coach
Then I started to help other mums be and do the same.
And it felt GOOD
My connection with my daughter grew
My marriage went from great to amazing
All whilst I took care of myself first and built a business as my priority.
Believe me, no one is missing out in the household
We are thriving
I speak often to Mums who are on a similar journey...
The ones who make the excuses for why their business hasn’t succeeded
The ones who comprise their work for the sake their kids even though it is draining their soul
The ones who always have a “reason” for why they haven’t been able to take any time out for themselves
The ones who continue to make excuses when they know they really really need a break, but choose to push on to the point of self ruin.
The ones who never set any time aside for them to do the INNER WORK, to learn about who they TRULY are and what they TRULY want, because it’s "not important"
Let me tell you, doing the inner work is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for your family
I know because I have been there
When you build your confidence and finally live in your truth, you will finally be the BEST role model your children could EVER have.
Better than the awesome mum you already are!
So you have a choice, you can continue to break yourself and let the guilt take over
Or you can honour yourself, give yourself what you need, create your own happiness and be fully present with your children because you are rejuvenated and actually LIVING your life
And when you do, you will look back and wonder why you hadn’t done it earlier
What made you think you ceased to be a human being that still had needs and desires once your children came along?
Go on, make the choice